i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
