If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
