she was so not down for the gang bang
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
