College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
