Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
