There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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