when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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