I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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