life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
