I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
