He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
