miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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