We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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