i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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