so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
