So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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