she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
