I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
