Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
