yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
