Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
