where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
