so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
