Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
