I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I forget how to act sober
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