apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
