Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
