Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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