I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize