You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
