Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
