Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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