Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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