my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
