How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
