we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
