I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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