Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
