Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
