I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
