you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
