So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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