Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
