I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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