I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
