i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
