When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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