listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
