3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
