Say something about gay babies.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
